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Me at 13 weeks pregnant...
I debated writing about this, but after much thought, I felt like perhaps writing about what's really important to me would be therapeutic and help me move forward. So here it is...
The past few months have been filled with excitement and nausea! In November of 2009 after trying for about 10 months we found out we were pregnant! It was probably the most exciting news of my life, Nick and I were so ecstatic and making plans for our future baby. I probably should have kept the news to myself for a while, but I couldn't contain myself, I started telling close friends and family. I also started feeling really, really nauseous, I got sick from smelling the Christmas tree, my shampoo, any food at all, any physical activity, pretty much everything that had a scent...yikes, it wasn't fun, but it was all okay when we went in for our 9 week appointment and saw the little bean shapped baby and heard the little heart beat, it was real, we really did have a baby! Everything looked really good and normal. After continuing to feel sick and uncomfortable for 5 more weeks, I went in for my 14 week appointment, to my surprise I was getting a second ultrasound. I was bummed Nick wasn't there, but so excited to see the little guy/girl again. As the image became apparent on the screen the doctor mentioned how small it was and I noticed it too, my heart started beating really fast, and my emotions changed from bliss to a shocking despair...after a second ultrasound it was confirmed that the baby had stopped growing at some point shortly after 9 weeks but my body just didn't know, it kept acting and feeling very pregnant, I had no symptoms that anything was wrong. Now I'm still in the process of getting my body back to where it needs to be...I'm ready for everything to be over and very hopeful that we will get pregnant again soon and have a healthy baby!

It's amazing how miraculous the entire process is, the doctors said there was probably a chromosomal problem with the baby, and the body takes care of it early enough to prevent further problems for the baby and the mom. It's definitely difficult, disheartening and disappointing, but it strengthens my faith that somebody else knows what is best for me and that things will work out in His time, when it's best. I have also felt so loved and supported by friends and family, it's amazing how much people reach out with open hearts and are so willing to help and just listen! So thank you so much (and you know who you are), to those who have reached out with so much love and support!